Putting yourself first: Why YOU should be a priority

Being nice to other people is great, but you can’t please everyone. Being willing and able to give a helping hand to others is a fantastic personal quality, but don’t delude yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, nobody will. It should always be your first and foremost responsibility. Make yourself a priority. Believe me, it’s not selfishness – it’s a necessity!

 In this short article I will outline four key reasons why you ALWAYS have to put yourself first, and what particular steps should be taken to do so.


 I’ve been working with people for 16 years. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many sad personal stories from burned-out and deeply depressed altruistic, kind and open people who helped others too much without even the slightest appreciation. I’ve heard even more stories about broken relationships when one partner always put other partner’s feelings over his/her own. Every story is unique, but all of them have one thing in common: when you neglect your own feelings and interests, people start taking you for granted.

 

There is a simple explanation for that phenomenon. First of all, neglecting your own feelings, you assume the position of ‘less valuable person’. People detect this vibe and start neglecting your interests and feelings too. In essence, people always treat you as you treat yourself. Note that what’s important is what you feel but not what you think about yourself. There is a huge difference between these two dimensions of self-awareness; you can encourage yourself with uplifting thoughts, such as: “I deserve the best”, “I’m clever and attractive”, or “People respect me as a professional” – but ultimately this is just noise. What you really feel is what really matters.

Neglecting your own feelings, you assume the position of ‘less valuable person’. People detect this vibe and start neglecting your interests and feelings too.

What should you do to change the pattern? A good therapist or high performance coach could be helpful. Here are no short cuts, I’m afraid. However,

the solution of every problem starts from a conscious acknowledgement of why you have to do certain things.

 

So, here’s why you should always put your own feelings first:


  • It’s important for your health

It’s simple: if you neglect your feelings you become stressed. You may be a “people person” and really enjoy helping others, but stress and burnout will ensue if you are always relegating your feelings and interests to the back of the queue. As a result your stress hormones will increase, your body will stop functioning properly and you’ll get sick. You might feel tired, fatigued, demotivated and even develop a serious condition such as hormonal imbalances, digestion problems, weight gain, sleep deprivation, depression, and so on.


  • It’s important for your relationships

When you always elevate your partner’s feelings and interests over your own, and give more than get back, you will not only start appreciating him or her less but also be constantly exhausted, drained or, conversely, overwhelmed and have a sense of being unfairly treated. Those bitter feelings could utterly destroy your relationship.

So, take time for yourself if you need it. Rest well, and come back to your loved one fresh and happy. If you are permanently overworked and have no energy to spend quality time with your partner, then explain your situation, skip a date or two, recharge yourself, and ask your partner for help.

If you get a lot of superficial and useless advice instead of solid actions I reckon it’s time to accept the fact that the person you are with is not your real ‘partner in crime’. Remember, partners take responsibilities and should not only share the good times with you, but also the hard work and tough periods in your life.

Here I’d like to add a few words about gender-related differences: Even though modern society actively supports the idea of equality of the sexes, we are not the same. Our bodies and hormones are different and as a result our contributions to a relationship are not the same either.

This is a broad and complex topic which I intend to tackle in a future article.

Watch this amazing talk about gender differences and relationships by John Gray (the author of best-seller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSi00H4f8Fs


  • It’s important for your career and self-realisation

Logically, if you’re stressed and tired and feel useless and demotivated, you can’t be productive and creative in your daily job. Constantly trying to please your co-workers and business partners is a certain route to self-destruction. Put your own needs first.

Interact and collaborate by all means, but don’t allow work to be piled on your shoulders just because you are “that nice guy”.

You can – and must – limit your tasks. You also have the right to rest and holidays. Don’t forget about these simple things, as overwork reduces your productivity and could affect the overall team’s results. Putting your feelings and health first is not selfish it’s highly beneficial for the whole team.


  • It’s important for this World

Spiritually speaking, all of us are responsible for those energies we transmit to the World. When we are on our best form we contribute more to society. On the other hand,

by transmitting misery, apathy, anger or a sense of victimhood, we multiply those low feelings poisoning the space around us.

It’s important to assume responsibility for our shared wellness, and always take care of yourself and protect your interests. The more balanced and happy people there are around, the happier and more harmonious our lives will be.

Read also Why we have to be grateful for bad thingsWhat negativity does to you lifeHow and why to meditate. Simple techniques to start your mindful journey

Tatiana Dmitrieva

 

 

Lead a Mindful Life Today. Quick tips.


Some things in life should not be taken for granted… You have to be mindful in order to appreciate life. A common thing I will talk about is how life is very precious; being mindful has to be one of the priorities for each of you. It comes from many different aspects such as, simply being open minded, practice meditation, exercise, reading etc. 

Read also Universal rules of happinessLevel of consciousness vs happiness, and 8 Questions To Ask Yourself To Feel Better.

The simple things that you can do to lead to this life, will drastically improve your mindfulness. No matter which thing you do, one of them or all of them, you will find that implementing those will give you a huge difference in lifestyle.

Open Minded.

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Being open minded is probably the key to living a mindful life… Living with the idea that you are better than someone else, is no way to live. There are many trends here that if you speak to someone across the world, are not even thought of. But those trends lead many of you to be closed minded and materialistic.

Life is much more than looking cool or having all the latest gear or being flashy, it is truly about realizing how amazing life is, and using it to benefit not only you, but the world.

Things are different around the world, and even within the country, open heart open mind is a great way to start the journey of mindfulness.

Culture is a major way to open your mind. Just being able to understand that culture is out there, and it is very rich in most cases, will show you how open minded you can be.

There are many of us who do not desire to learn more about the world, however, to live that mindful life, and to be open minded it is a must.

The more you experience culture outside of your own, the easier it will be to lead that mindful life that you want. The world has many things to offer, and without seeing those things you will live in the same society which changes you from being an individual. No matter what you do, you have to make sure you are the best you, and experience the cultures that the world has to offer.

Meditation and Yoga.

 

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Of the many ways that you can become more of a mindful person, meditation is a great first step. It involves centering yourself and trying to see who you are. You can find many different ways of meditation as well. That range from yoga, exercise, literal meditation, reading, the list goes on and on. What you have to figure out is how can you incorporate it into your life today, and make a difference in how you are feeling tomorrow. But how do you start?

It is possibly a shortcut to leading a mindful life. It takes a ton of discipline in order to meditate. It goes hand in hand with being open minded, because you are taking a step back and relaxing your mind; which leads to your mind being open and free. The simple “Om” isn’t the only way of meditating, it can be many things. Yoga is a combination of meditation and exercise. You focus on your breath, and in some practices you focus on centering yourself.

On those same lines, even regular exercise can be used as a practice of meditation. There are many good chemicals that release during exercise that can help reduce stress, and create a relaxed mind.

Read also Cardio improves memoryHow Neuroscientists Explain the Mind-Clearing Magic of RunningHow to keep fit over 30

Reading.

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One key way of being more mindful in life, is to read.

Reading is by far the best way to learn about things that are happening around the world, it is also an amazing way to provoke thought. When you read an article or a story in which it stimulates your brain to think, you will find yourself being much more open to change and open to life.

Creating a routine where you read at least one article or story a day (Or a certain amount of chapters in a novel) can significantly improve your mindfulness as well as keeping your brain sharp.

Of the many different benefits that reading has on your mind, the maintenance of your brain health is the most important. Read also How to make your brain work betterTraining the Brain’s Motivation Center. Without your brain and mind, you are a shell. Those are what make you an amazing individual and different from the rest of the world. Just reading regularly will help keep you fresh and ready to take on the next step in your journey through life.  You have one life to live and one brain/mind to have, you have to maintain them otherwise they will degrade. Read also What is the connection between Music and the Brain?, and How to improve your memory.

Finally Living a Mindful Life.

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Being mindful is something that comes in time. Our minds always learn and develop as we age, and they will never stop doing that. Just by implementing things that will keep you mindful and conscious, you will find a huge improvement in your way of life. read also Level of consciousness vs happiness. Leading this lifestyle is not just a simple change; it is a way of life shift.

To understand what it truly takes in order to get to where you want, you have to jump into it all out. If you take risks, they will certainly pay off, that goes especially with being more mindful.Time and a mindful life

Time is limited, so you have to make use with the time we are given and with time will come mindfulness.

Open your mind, meditate, read, or whatever you find helps you the most. Stick to those and you will get where you want.

Life has many amazing things to offer, you just have to be the best you, implement lifestyle changes, and go out and accomplish your dreams.


Article Credits: Dustin Meyer

-Millionaire’s Digest Staff Member, Contributor, CEO & Founder of Evolutionary Mind

Edited by OpenMindPortal

https://millionairesdigest.wordpress.com/2016/05/23/quick-tips-lead-a-mindful-life-today-for-beauty-book-writing-bloggers-more/

8 Questions To Ask Yourself To Feel Better

Ask yourself great questions and have a great life. Ask yourself bad questions and have a bad life.



Questions are really powerfull and determine your descisions, focus, mindset.

Ask yourself a question and your brain will find the right answer.

Here are some questions that will put you in a better state.

What’s really hilarious about this right now?

Why is it so easy for me to get excited about my life?

What am I greatful for?

Why am I so awesome?

What do I find really interesting right now?

What are the 3 best things I love about life?

What is the best thing that happened in the last week?

What is the best thing ever that happened to me?

Why do I love myself so much?

Don’t just read them. Really answer them and your state will change.

The trick here is to ask yourself questions that allready implies awesomeness. Questions like that will make you look at things from different angle and mindset. That’s the key. To look at life differently.

Now get out there and feel great!

https://dopelifey.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/8-questions-to-ask-yourself-to-feel-better/

Training the Brain’s Motivation Center

It will change your life! Read it carefully! Now you can achieve anything you want! Limitlessly! How? Just simply training regularly the brain centre responsible for motivation! 

Work hard! Play hard! Dream even harder!!!! 





Courtesy of https://rennickeassociates.wordpress.com/2016/04/25/training-the-brains-motivation-center/

ABOUT THE AUTHOR(S)

Matthew A. Scult

Matthew Scult is a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. More about his research and writing can be found at http://www.matthewscult.com or follow him on Twitter @NeuroMatt1



My heart pounds as I sprint to the finish line. Thousands of spectators cheer as a sense of elation washes over me. I savor the feeling. But then, the image slowly fades away and my true surroundings come into focus. I am lying in a dark room with my head held firmly in place, inside an MRI scanner. While this might typically be unpleasant, I am a willing research study participant and am eagerly anticipating what comes next. I hold my breath as I stare at the bar on the computer screen representing my brain activity. Then the bar jumps. My fantasy of winning a race had caused the “motivation center” of my brain to surge with activity.

I am participating in a study about neurofeedback, a diverse and fascinating area of research that combines neuroscience and technology to monitor and modulate brain activity in real time. My colleagues, Katie Dickerson and Jeff MacInnes, in the Adcock Lab at Duke University, are studying whether people can train themselves to increase brain activity in a tiny region of the brain called the VTA. Notably, the VTA is thought to be involved in motivation—the desire to get something that you want. For example, if I told you that by buying a lottery ticket you would be guaranteed to win $1,000,000, you would probably be very motivated to buy the ticket and would have a spike in brain activity in this region of your brain. But while studies have shown that motivation for external rewards (like money) activate the VTA, until now, we didn’t know whether people could internally generate a motivational state that would activate this brain region.

(But we definitely will not hurt ourselves trying. I, for instance, always practice 5-10 min of watching (do not read as it is my main activity during a day and it is useful to switch for something else) visual stimuli related to my dream achievements every 2-4 hours while work. It always gives me energy to carry on. Always! It just works. End of story! That’s why I can easily work 12-15 hours a day being inspired and motivated – (OMP editor’s comment)

To see if people can self-activate the VTA, my colleagues are using neurofeedback, which falls under the broader umbrella of biofeedback. Biofeedback uses technology to give people information about the functioning of their bodies so that they can try to change their physiology. Studies on using the technique to control heart rate, breathing rate, muscle tension, and skin temperature have been around since the 1960s, and these types of biofeedback are often used to help people reduce anxiety, chronic pain, or psychological disorders, with varying degrees of efficacy.

The latest iteration of biofeedback is neurofeedback, which provides a person with information on their brain activity milliseconds to seconds after it happens. Neurofeedback can use either an EEG machine, which records the electrical activity of the brain and is very fast, but not very specific, or it can use functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), which records changes in blood flow in the brain and can better target specific brain regions, but is slower. The fMRI version of the technology has been around since as early as 1995 and its potential is slowly being realized. Studies on rtfMRI (the rt stands for “real-time”), have found that giving people feedback on their brain activity might be able to help them to control that activity. These studies both help us to better understand the functioning of the brain and can be used for clinical purposes. Perhaps the most common use to date has been for chronic pain, where people learn to decrease activation in regions of the brain that process pain perception. [For more information about neurofeedback see “How Real-Time Brain Scanning Could Alleviate Pain,” by Heather Chapin and Sean Mackey; Scientific American Mind, March 1, 2013.]


The study I’m participating in is about using the technology to better understand the functioning of the VTA and its relationship with internally generated motivation, with potential for clinical applications down the road. In animal models, artificially affecting functioning of the VTA can affect how much an animal eats or drinks, and can even affect its emotional responses. If people could learn to activate their VTAs deliberately, it could have important applications to anything from helping someone stick to a diet to helping with psychological disorders.

Back in the fMRI, I lie on the uncomfortable scanner bed, looking up at the giant machine that reminds me of something I might encounter on a spaceship. Katie Dickerson’s voice comes over the intercom and gives me suggestions of ways to try and activate my VTA. She says I could try to think of phrases, like “you can do it!” or “increase that signal!” and says that it might help to think of the task as a fun game. So I think “I can do this!” but to my dismay the bar remains pretty flat. I think about winning $1,000,000, but don’t get much of a jump for that either. Then I picture myself running with a cheering crowd and music playing, and the bar goes through the roof.

For the study, participants were placed in one of four groups. All four groups started out by getting in the scanner and trying to activate their brains using motivation strategies, but first without receiving any feedback. After doing this for several minutes, people in the first group (like me) would try again, but this time would see a thermometer on the computer screen in front of them. When activity in the VTA went up, the bar on the thermometer would rise. When activity in the VTA went down, the thermometer would drop. The other groups either got feedback from a different brain region, got fake feedback, or were shown a visual distraction. These groups were used as comparisons to ensure that it really was the signal from the VTA that was being registered in the neurofeedback group. Afterward, all four groups tried one more time without the feedback (real or fake). At the end of the study, all participants were debriefed about their group assignment and the purpose of the study.

The results were published recently in the journal Neuron. It turns out that the strategies people tried initially did not activate their VTAs very much—the same experience I had. In other words, what people thought of as motivating did not match up with activity in what we consider to be the “motivation center” of the brain. How could that be? One possible explanation is that it can be difficult to get a sense of just how motivated we are to do something. Consider times when you might have thought you were highly motivated (“I know I am going to stick to my diet/exercise regimen this year”), and didn’t follow through. Another interpretation is that while we might have some sense of how motivated we are in a given moment, our subjective perceptions might not translate to VTA activation. There might not even be a clear feeling associated with the activation at all, explains MacInnes. That’s where the feedback came in.

The study found that, like me, people were better able to activate their VTAs, on average, once they got neurofeedback compared to people who got false feedback or no feedback. And the learning stuck—once people knew the strategies that worked for them, they were effective even once the feedback was taken away. Overall, different strategies worked for different people and some people in the control groups were still able to activate their VTAs even without the neurofeedback. The take-home message is that there is still a lot to learn.

Perhaps the biggest unanswered question is what could result from an ability to better activate one’s VTA. One possibility is that internally generated VTA activation could allow people to have the extra oomph to better meet their goals. So maybe when I need to do errands, but am really not in the mood, I can think about winning a race and it will give me the drive to go to the grocery store. For others, enhanced VTA activation might be able to help with studying. After all, studies have found VTA activation associated with better memory performance. And given other studies showing VTA signaling being related to eating and mood, it’s possible that it could help people with eating disorders or depression. Time will tell whether this method will be useful clinically, but for now I can say for certain that it can be a lot of fun getting to know your brain—and for me at least, it seems that having fun is one of the keys to activating my VTA.